Moving forward, but that doesn't mean  I've forgotten the past. I don't care anymore, doesn't mean I have forgiven everything. There is justice, and whatever injustice was done, it will go back to the opposite as well. The veil of high and mighty will uncover one day, and others will smell the rotten stench of immorality. Fake act can never stay for long. It always reveals. Betrayers will be betrayed. Liers will be lied upon. Fake smile will be greeted with fake smiles, empty of empathy. Fake consolation will be greeted with fake consolations, empty of sympathy.

So why bother, as time goes by, skin gets thicker. 

Don't know where these feelings come from. Sometimes I just want to forget everything and talk like nothing happened. Most of the time I have control over my feelings, or atleast I think. But there are certain times it feels like a rush. All the past memories start flashing like an old movie theater, as if I'm watching a movie. And I laugh at the scenes which are funny and be sad at which are sad. And I forget for a while that these are past things, and I forget about the reason why certain things have become past. But after a while I come back to reality and tell myself, "you fool", with a faint smile.

Yes I have said so many bad things to you. And I have hurt you, many times. I see how I have changed. But this is not me. I am the one who said that you can explode on me when you're angry, and I said I will always be there for you.
I will keep my word. I remember how I was and how my feelings were. I kind of lost myself. But from now on I will be me again.

I wish I could hold you when you wanted me to,

I wish I could shield you from all the darkness too.

I wish I could be there when I wanted to,

I wish I could fill you with happiness, and live up to.

When all the worries come and surround you,

I wish I could be there to save you.

Even though I am far away and can’t be with you,

remember that I will always love you.

 

You are sweet you are lovely

and you are divine,

I wish if only I could

make you mine.

 

But I know that a free bird

should never be caged,

But don’t forget the tree where

once you landed.

 

You are the ocean and you are the stream,

you have become the Queen of my dream.

 

I know I have no control

in this matter,

I wish we could be together

in the hereafter.

A stream. Flowing on its own way. I saw it. I was thirsty and immediately drank from it. The water is sweet. I rested under a tree near the stream. I observed around. Many people were drinking from the stream also. Then I realized this stream must have come flowing from something big. And I wanted to taste from that source. So, I kept walking along the shore of the stream, following its line. The journey was filled with ease and difficulty, joy and sorrow, happiness and sadness. Then I could hear it, the sound of waves, winds, sounds of water splashing. After a while I could see it, not what I was expecting. It was not a calm river, it was a roaring ocean. With huge waves. I could see its might and beauty. It was amazing and fierce. It was so beautiful and yet the vastness of the ocean would raise fear in any man. But I approached. With fear and excitement. And I felt the little waves hitting my feet. It was cold, and warm at the same time. Then I drank from it. To my amaze, the water tasted even sweeter. Then I thought, if only I didn’t have the courage to come near, I would have never tested it. And it felt so good. I stayed there for a while. And then I looked deep into the ocean. There I could see, a wonderful garden, in the middle of the ocean. Green, with fruits and flowers. It was like a small piece of heaven put there, only for someone special. But then I realized, the ocean is protecting the garden, protecting from any harm, any scavangers. Preventing them to reach the garden, preventing them to taste its fruits, smell its flowers. But I could not resist. I wanted to go into the garden. I wanted to taste its fruits. I wanted to smell the fragrance of the flowers. I wanted to lay down on its soft grass. So I dived, deep into the ocean, with all my confidence. Then I felt its might. The waves were tossing me around. But every time I was losing my balance, I found even a better grip. Every time I was being dragged by the waves, I found more strength to fight it. And then I came so close that I could smell the fragrance of the flowers, it was so sweet, so addiciting. But I realized. I am so close, yet so far away. I can see the garden so clearly, yet it is out of my reach. I can see the soft grass, but can’t touch it. I can see the fruits, but can’t taste it. And I keep looking at the garden. It is so beautiful. I looked back at the ocean. It is still full of might. Fierce, but dazzling. And I looked back at the garden again. It is beautiful, amazing, sweet, lovely and full of innocence.

I love you. You came to me when life seemed meaningless, you gave a new meaning to my life. You came to me when life had no purpose, you gave a purpose to my life. You came to me when I was so alone, you gave me company. You came to me when life was empty, you filled it with love. You were my precious jewel. Now you're gone. My life is empty again, meaningless and without any purpose. Tears come out due to the pain even when I don't want to cry. The emotions are so bottled up, I feel my chest is gonna explode. I wanna scream. But I can't. My throat is blocked. I try to act like I'm ok, but I'm not. It is like a chain reaction that's burning inside me, eating me from inside. Everyday I have to fight it just to go through the day. Life has become difficult. I wish you were here. I wish you were with me. How much I desire to hear your voice again. I miss you. I love you.

Sometimes in life you give some people more attention. You try to make them happy. You always try not to make them mad or angry. But when you find out that to them, you are something optional, if there is someone else, then your value becomes less. I mean what do you do in those situation!! You're so attached to them, and yet they make you feel bad.

Maybe its my fault. Maybe I should've been careful to whom I feel more attach. Maybe I shouldn't have expected much.

Today I wanted to start a blog. The thought came suddenly, don't know why. Maybe there are things I want to share.

The reason I've chosen this platform is because one of my online friends, my best online friend uses this platform.

Today I've noticed that not everything in my life is really under my control. That made me realize that I'm weak. Maybe that's why I've started my blog. To write about my weaknesses.